Reloaded
by wolfsrun
Summary: Harry Potter reached the end of a long, fulfilling life when the unthinkable happens. An odd twist of fate sees his soul merged with a perverted video game character before being tossed into an alternate universe to relive his life with only some of his memories intact. What will happen to the Wizarding World with a not-so-innocent Harry on the loose? Harem! Gamer/Pervert Harry!
1. A Strange Turn

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

 **Rated M for language, graphic content, and adult situations. Viewer discretion is advised.**

 **Chapter 1: A Strange Turn**

Lord Harry James Potter-Black, also known as the Boy who Lived, also known as the Man who Conquered, recipient of the Order of Merlin, first class, and the 30th Headmaster of Hogwarts (retired) was dying. This was a man who many hailed as the hero of the wizarding world. Recognized as the successor of Dumbledore and the Leader of the Light, it could be said that Harry Potter lived a very influential and fulfilling life.

It was Harry Potter who had become the spokesman of the Wizarding World when the Statute of Secrecy collapsed during the chaos of World War III in the 2040's. In the latter stages of the war, Harry was at the forefront of wizard volunteers who aided in the battlefield as magical healers and warriors. And, after the war ended, he attended many press conferences and talk shows to promote wizard-muggle relations.

It was thanks to these efforts that joint wizard-muggle schools and hospitals began to become commonplace. The idea behind these being to allow more day to day interactions between the two societies in order to tear down the social barriers and eliminate the fear of the unknown. In 2076, Hogwarts officially closed its doors as a wizarding school due to joint schools having become the norm. As the last Headmaster of Hogwarts, Harry pushed for Hogwarts to be made into a Wizarding Museum that displayed the proud heritage of the Wizarding World so that his people wouldn't forget their roots even as they mixed with and incorporated new ideas from muggle culture.

Besides all of his efforts to better both the Wizarding and Muggle Worlds, Harry's greatest joy was found in his family. Marrying Ginevra Molly Potter née Weasley and siring three children were what Harry considered to be his greatest accomplishment in life. The only thing he regretted was that he had outlived all four. His wife had lived a full life with him but passed before he did at the ripe old age of 146. His second son, Albus Severus, had unfortunately perished in the conflict of WWIII, with no progeny due to having never married. However, his first son, James Sirius, and his only daughter, Lily Luna, both married well and provided many grandchildren for Harry and Ginny to love.

It was those grandchildren along with their families that surrounded him as his final moments approached. Having an extraordinary amount of magical power that helped sustain him far longer than others could claim, Harry was only now succumbing to old age after having lived a full 237 years.

It was with a soft smile that he looked at his great-grandchild who was now holding his hand. Having been named in honor of his wife, little Ginny Potter looked back at him with eyes full of tears.

"Don't be sad little one. I have lived a long and full life. It is past time I moved on to the next great adventure that awaits me. I look forward to seeing my wife and children again, so please, don't cry for me. We will see each other again one day after you have lived a full life of your own."

Harry felt his heart swell with love as sniffles were heard all around him and words of love poured forth from all directions. Truly, he was a fortunate man.

It was with that gentle smile on his lips that Harry closed his eyes for the last time and his breathing stilled.

As tears began to burst forth freely around the room, and his family held one another in comfort, Harry's spirit left his body.

It was at that moment that things began to get strange. Ever since the Battle of Hogwarts, the three Deathly Hallows had taken to following him around. Whether he broke them, threw them away, or set them on fire, they would always return to him unmarred by the time he woke up. Eventually, he gave up trying to get rid of them and simply kept them on his person as a matter of convenience and put them out of mind.

As his spirit left his body, the Hallows crumbled and the magic contained within them merged with his fleeing spirit, chaining it to the physical world.

Then things took a turn from the strange to the downright unnatural. Having recently died, Harry had no control over his spirit. After merging with the Hallows, their magic began trying to return him to life, but with his body having truly died, this was impossible. So they sought out the nearest body that was alive but contained no spirit. It was an unfortunate coincidence that since the wizard and muggle hospitals had merged, the nearest person who fit this criteria was a muggle. It was an extremely unfortunate coincidence that this muggle had a neural implant in his brain that did not interact well with the sudden influx of magic into his system.

It should be pointed out that in the year 2096, neural implants entered the mainstream market as a popular new trend that people grasped onto with a fervor while proclaiming, "The future is here!" Neural implants had many uses as they allowed an individual to directly interact with computer programs for extremely fast data manipulation. This was very useful in the business sector. Of course, this particular muggle got it for the interactive video games and immersive simulation worlds it allowed one to experience.

In fact, this muggle's favorite video game, Final Fantasy 83, was a MMORPG, that allowed for the gamer to actually live a life in a video game world. His character was a telekinetic swordsman who he had brought to level 99 and maxed out in every way possible. He was a guild master with a high charisma stat and with several sword and telekinetic skills he had to use real money to purchase for his character. Of course he maxed the levels on those skills as well of all of his others. All of his character data for the swordsman Loki Astaroth were saved onto his neural implant. Besides his favorite game, there were also hundreds of terabytes of interactive porn, full-dive ero-games, and dating sims. You see, this muggle had no life outside of videogames. He was, afterall, a game designer who specialized in pornographic games. Thus, he felt justified in playing as many perverted games as possible for inspiration.

He was also morbidly obese which is what had landed him in his current state. After suffering a ST-segment elevation myocardial infarction (a severe heart attack), he passed away enroute to the hospital. Fortunately, the skilled EMT were able to revive him and a successful quadruple bypass surgery saved his life. Unfortunately, his spirit had already passed on by that point and he was now a soulless husk, locked in a state that resembled a coma.

That is until Harry's spirit was jerked into his body. While flooding the muggle's body with magic, the neural implant broke down and terabytes of data began to flood into Harry's soul. The data soon became distorted due to the damage to the implant. As Harry struggled to make sense of what was happening to him, fragmented pornography and video game information bypassed his occlumency shields and sunk into the core of his being. It was extremely fortunate that after living for 237 years Harry had a very strong sense of self that allowed him to maintain his personality. It was unfortunate that Loki Astaroth was such a powerful character with an absurd amount of data to back it up. The muggle had actually written a 482 page character bio that detailed Loki's background and personality in explicit detail. Empowered by magic, Loki's character quickly gained sentience as it absorbed the pornographic content, the ero-games, and the dating sims to create a distinctly powerful and perverted personality that conflicted with Harry's personality in a battle for supremacy.

Harry inevitably won, but this was not without cost. Parts of Loki's personality tainted his own, just as he subtly altered Loki's personality. The end result was a slightly more perverted Harry with a split personality that went by Loki Astaroth.

Harry's new perversion didn't bother him much as he could control it with occlumency. What truly upset him was that he was locked in the body of a fat muggle with no family and few options available to him.

While recovering in the hospital from his ordeal, Harry thought about what had happened. He realized that it was the Hallows that had not allowed him to pass on. Worse, he could feel Loki battering at his mental shield and he feared what might happen should Loki ever gain control of his body. While he wouldn't call Loki evil, he was definitely a slave to his lusts.

Harry would never forgive himself if Loki took control and raped someone. So, he began to consider his options. He knew his time on this world should be over, thus he arrived at the conclusion of suicide being his best option.

Of course it could never be easy with Harry Potter. Any suicide would likely put him into a situation similar to what he was now, and if he merged with another individual with a neural implant it might well be an unmitigated disaster. After many hours of thought dedicated to this topic, he arrived at the Veil of Death being his best option. By passing through the veil, he would force his spirit to pass on, despite the presence of the Hallows.

Thus resolved, Harry began his preparations. Two months later, after he had recovered enough to infiltrate the Department of Mysteries, Harry approached the Veil. He sighed in relief as he heard the whispers of the grave call out to him. A soft smile adorned his face once more as he stepped through the veil to begin his next great adventure.

It was then that things took a turn from the downright unnatural to the impossibly surreal.

As Harry stepped through the Veil of Death, he felt like he was stepping into another world. The world around him existed in grey tone. No color could be seen except those on himself. And those colors were quickly being leached away.

Suddenly, he felt an indescribable pain as his body felt like it was being pulled in a thousand different directions. He looked on in a horrified fascination as his hand began to disintegrate. Starting with the tips of his fingers and slowly moving up his arm he began to come undone.

He could only watch for so long, however, as his vision quickly became blurry until everything faded to black as his sight left him. He knew this meant that his eyes were breaking apart as well, and it wouldn't be long until this realm destroyed him and granted him his final rest.

And, true to his thoughts, his body quickly became nothing, leaving only his spirit behind. And soon, that too began to come apart at the seams. It was then that he noticed a light green glow illuminate this grey tone world. Looking down he saw what appeared to be a runic tattoo glowing over his heart upon his spiritual body. This tattoo was of a circle inside a triangle with line bisecting them. It was the symbol of the Hallows.

As his spiritual body broke apart, the power of the Hallows acted upon it to rebuild what was lost. The pain was excruciating.

In this distracted state, Harry let his occlumency barriers slip and Loki burst free from his mental prison to wage war once more with his psyche. As the two personalities clashed, Harry continued to be torn apart by the realm he was in and rebuilt by the Hallows that were protecting him. This continuous cycle of spiritual death and rebirth fractured the two personalities and reforged them into something entirely new.

Destruction - Rebirth.

Years of loneliness with the occasional joy of family visits and the birth of grandchildren and great grandchildren disappeared into the ether.

Destruction - Rebirth.

Hundreds of hours of gameplay to reach level 99 along with the interactive video Voluptuous Valerie Visits Vegas is snuffed out in an instant.

Destruction - Rebirth.

Years of love and happiness in a wonderful marriage falls away.

Destruction - Rebirth.

Super Extreme Hentai Wonder and its 69 sequels are gone in a flash.

Destruction - Rebirth.

The Reconstruction, gone. WWIII, gone. The birth of his children, gone.

Destruction - Rebirth.

Hundreds of more hours of gameplay disappear along with Titillating Tales of a Teenage Temptress.

Destruction - Rebirth.

The Rebirth of Voldemort and the Second Wizarding War are burned away.

Like a blade being reforged, all of the scratches and dents that made Harry into the man he was were purified and burned away. Hundreds of years of experience. Joys and triumphs, failures and heartbreak. All disappear in this soul forge as two psyches are stripped of the extraneous and remade into a single new soul.

Eventually, this soul was pushed through Death's Realm to emerge through another gateway as the soul was rejected from that plane of existence.

As the soul burst through this gateway, it felt something latch onto it from far away. While normally, it would seek out the nearest uninhabited body, in this world it felt something like an anchor drawing it in. Like a distorted echo, another soul called out to it. This was obviously not a twin soul but, like looking in a funhouse mirror, the resemblance was close enough that the draw became irresistible.

Quickly traversing the distance, the soul soon arrived to a home in Godric's Hollow, a village in the West Country of England. As wards fell and a mad cackle resonated in the air, the perverted soul homed in on its target.

"Not Harry! Please … have mercy … have mercy… "

"Avada Kedavra!"

Floating through the ceiling into a nursery, the soul noticed two beings with souls, a corpse, and a soul fleeing to the afterlife. A resonance from the smaller being pulled it in.

"And now for you. You may have held the potential to be a threat, but no longer. Nothing can best Lord Voldemort! Even Fate itself will bend to my will! Avada Kedavra!"

Its target located, the soul flew towards its new host as a golden shield surrounded it and absorbed the green light only to send a blast of energy back at the larger being. This energy disintegrated the being and split its soul in two while simultaneously blasting a hole in the roof with the excess energy.

Following that, one soul fragment flew towards the small being, while the other fled. Of course, the perverted soul was moving towards the infant at the same time and when the two souls bumped into each other, it was the smaller fragment that was knocked off course. As the perverted soul sank into its new host body and began to merge with its soul due to their similar nature, the fragment struck a nearby teddy bear and fell on the ground.

It was then that an overweight man with ratlike features burst into the room.

"No Master! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. What do I do? What do I do?!"

As the man paced around in a panic, the two souls in the young infant continued merging, and baby Harry began to recall the few memories he retained. Fragments of memories existing up until shortly after the second task of the Triwizard Tournament began to clarify in his mind. Specifically, he remembered meeting and confronting this man in a ramshackle shack. He knew who this man was. He knew what this man had done.

"Wormy!" Baby Harry exclaimed with all condemnation a one year old can muster. Which, as it turns out, is not all that much.

It did grab the rat-man's attention, however, as he quickly snapped his head to the infant in the crib.

"Harry! You're alive! Oh crap, I mean…good! That's good! I guess? Umm…you have to understand Harry that this wasn't my fault. I mean, I would have died if I didn't tell. I'm really sorry Harry. But…I can't stay here. I saw master's spirit. He'll come back. Oh God. What do I do?"

And then the soul splinter of Voldemort completed its possession of the teddy bear.

"RAWR!"

As Teddymort leapt at Ratman, Ratman let out a high pitch squeal that was only exceeded in pitch by Teddymort's warcry.

With a surprising strength, Teddymort began pummeling Ratman into submission.

"RAAAAAAAAWWR!"

And then a greasy haired man swept into the room with an elegant sweep of his cape.

"Lily, NOOOOOOOOO!"

As Greaseman fell to his knees and broke down in tears, Teddymort grew some magical claws and began to scratch Ratman with a cunning brutality.

"Not the face!"

"Lily! Alas, I knew her well; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy; she hath borne me on her back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have longed to kiss I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Oh Lily, my dear sweet Lily!"

"RAWR!"

As Greaseman continued to blubber inconsolably, Ratman turned into Rat-actual and tried to scamper off. But a quick lunge by Teddymort and a deft swipe of a cuddly paw saw Rat-actual stuffed into a fluffy muzzle and swallowed whole.

Baby Harry looked on in disbelief as Teddymort slirped the worm-like tail hanging from its mouth like a noodle. Only to suddenly explode as Ratman made a reappearance from inside Teddymort.

"VICTORY!"

"LILY, WHY?!"

"Oh shit. Snape?! I'm out of here."

And Ratman became Rat-actual once again and scarpered off as an inhuman shriek issued forth from Teddymort's remains.

Greaseman started out of his blubbering rant at the sound of the shriek and looked up as a shadowy form rose from scattered bits of cotton and fuzz only to dissipate like an ill formed cloud.

"What the fuck?! Okay, I'm out of here." Looking down at the red haired woman he had been crying over, he reached down, gave her tit a quick squeeze, then disappeared with a pop.

Baby Harry just stared in shock. The thoughts, 'Did Greaseman just grab my dead mom's jubbly?' and, 'Did Voldemort just possess my Teddy?' were forefront in his confused and overwhelmed mind.

Of course these thoughts quickly ended when a handsome black-haired man entered the room.

"Lily! Not you too!"

"Pafoo!" Baby Harry exclaimed with all excitement a one year old can muster. Which, as it turns out, is quite a bit.

The man's head quickly snapped into his direction and an expression of relief settled on his grief-stricken face.

"Harry! You're okay! I thought no one made it. James…Lils…" Choking sobs started to break free as tears filled his eyes, but the man quickly wiped them away and plastered a smile on his face.

"But you're okay…at least you're okay. Come here Harry. Everything's screwed up right now, but I'll do something. I'll…I don't know…I'll do something though."

With determination, Sirius grabbed Baby Harry and wrapped him in a blanket before heading to the door.

Baby Harry knew this was an important moment. He knew that he had to do something to save Sirius from making a huge mistake. But, in the end, Baby Harry was just a baby. He fell asleep.

 _A/N: Yeah, I've been absent for a while. For any who have read my previous stories, well, my laptop broke while working on my first, losing me tons of work I had done in plotting the outline for both the story and the skill tree. Hours upon hours gone. Frustrating to say the least. I lost my motivation and once I got a new laptop, I published two one-shots for fun. Wrote a few others that I didn't publish as well because I didn't want put up a ton of stories that I will never finish. Maybe I will develop them, maybe not. Maybe I'll go back and pick up my first story as well. Right now I just want to write a crack-fic. Never done that before so I'm going to have fun with it. Warning: Harry is now a pervert. Expect a harem. Massive harem? Probably not. Lemons? Probably not. I might publish this on an alternate site as well if I decide to go that route, but I really don't expect this to turn into an erotic fiction. So, yeah…this is an AU. I hope I can do this justice and that my humor is appreciated. Any feedback is welcome, so please R/R._


	2. 2ASF&TDF!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

 **Rated M for language, graphic content, and adult situations. Viewer discretion is advised.**

 **A/N: While the metric system is a common system used in Britain, the imperial system for measurements is widely used by the British public. Since the Wizarding World is trapped in the past, I am going to go with the assumption that they use feet, inches, yards, and miles and the game system will reflect that when applicable.**

 **Also, in my reviews I had a request to have Harry ask about Nym. Remember that during the reforging of his soul in chapter 1, his memories were burned away until before the resurrection of Voldemort. This means he knows nothing of the Tonks family since he hadn't met Nym personally yet and his interaction with Sirius at that point was minimal. His memories will be covered a bit more in this chapter, but while he may have vague recollections of Nym from when he was a first year, they won't hold any significance to him at the moment.**

 **Chapter 2: 2#$ASF$%$%^$% &#$%#TDF!**

When Baby Harry woke up, it was to a giant beard pointing a glowing stick in his face.

"Ah, young Harry, you're awake! Marvelous. Lemon drop?"

"Albus! You can't give an infant candy! He could choke!"

With joyful chuckle, the Great White Beard replied, "Ah, Poppy. Forgive an old man his jokes. I wouldn't really give lemon drops to an infant. That would be silly. He is much too young to properly enjoy it."

With a huff, a dumpy woman came out of the office in the back with a bottle of potion.

"Really, Albus. This is serious. This poor boy just lost his family. Anyways, I have the core suppression potion here. It should restrain his magic for a month while he settles in with his adoptive family. I don't like the idea of him going to a family that might react poorly to accidental magic, but I suppose it is understandable to restrain that during the adjustment period. This is all just so terribly sad."

"Indeed. If only this wasn't necessary. Still, at least there is a silver lining in this tragedy. Because of his parent's sacrifice, young Harry here has a much brighter future than he would have if Voldemort was still around."

With a shiver, Dumpy Lady responded, "I really wish you wouldn't say that name. Here, three drops should do it. It should cause him to sleep for 24 hours while his core is being locked."

With that, a stopper was pushed into his mouth and a foul tasting liquid was forced down his throat.

As Baby Harry gagged, the Great White Beard continued speaking.

"Hagrid should be here soon. As soon…here…take…Dursley."

And Baby Harry slept once more.

* * *

When Baby Harry next woke it was to screaming.

"I don't care what that blasted letter says, we are not taking some freak into our home!"

"But Vernon, who knows what _THEY_ will do if we turn him out. They might do some of their freakish mumbo jumbo and turn us into slaves! What if the make us into *gasp* sex slaves! I bet some of those freaks would love to get their hands on us. After all, they can't find a good normal person in their world."

"You know I would never let that happen to you pet."

"But Vernon, you might not be able to stop it! And what if some tramp got her freakish paws on you!"

"Me?"

"Yes! I bet there are tons of freaks who would want a big, strong, normal man like you!"

"Ah. Hmm…"

"That would be just terrible! Wouldn't it Vernon?! Vernon?"

"Hmm…yes…umm…terrible. Sure."

"Vernon!"

"Ah! Sorry pet, just thinking about how terrible it would be to have a bunch of freakish women using me to satisfy their every perverse desire."

"Vernon…"

"Anyways! What are we going to do about this little freak?"

With a sigh, the female voice responded, "We have to take him in. There really isn't much choice. And I guess he is family in a way. Sort of. Really a cast-off branch of the family tree. Although, a tree doesn't stay healthy without a good pruning now and then…but those freaks…yes. Yes, I guess we really do have to take him in."

"I don't like it pet."

"Neither do I love. Just thinking about how much food we will have to waste on him instead of using it for my precious Duddykins. Oh, it might just make my Duddly-wuddly waste away!"

Great sobs accompanied this frantic proclamation.

"There, there. Shush now, love. We will just make sure to feed the freak as little as possible so that Duddly gets the best possible nutrition to grow into a big strong man like his father!"

"Oh dear, you know just what to say!"

"Pet…"

"Dear…"

Gag.

* * *

Growing up, Harry knew that he was different. His aunt, uncle, and cousin reinforced this belief by belittling him as a freak and forcing him to live in a cupboard under the stairs. The main reason he knew he was different, however, were his memories. Memories that were by all rights impossible.

Most of them were fragments that didn't make much sense, like a greasy haired man insulting him while in what appeared to be a dark classroom with cauldrons simmering all around. Or sitting next to a red-haired boy while in a flying car. If they were dreams, it would be one thing, but their clarity let him recognize them as memories. Memories of the future. Perhaps he was a prophet? Unfortunately, they were too fragmented to make much sense. For example, his memory of a flying car was only two seconds long and didn't give any context to help him understand the impossibility.

There were only four memories that truly stood out to him. Meeting a man with the face of a monster that called itself Lord Voldemort on the back of his head. Battling a giant snake with only a sword. Meeting his godfather and watching as he tried to kill the rat who betrayed his family only to stop him and then eventually watch as the rat escaped. And finally, riding a broomstick to outfly a dragon, while in front of a crowd of people, to grab a golden egg. All of these stood out as traumatic but memorable moments of import.

While strange and fragmented, these memories helped Harry to mature at a very young age. As he grew up, the fragments would sometimes come together in his dreams to reveal a more complete memory. By age five he knew that the red-haired boy was called Ron, and the greasy haired man was named Snape.

The reason for this scramble was that the merger of two souls was anything but a simple event. As the host soul, it had been up to the Baby Harry to absorb the larger soul trying to immigrate. It was successful in part, but the event left it unstable for years afterwards as it sought to fully integrate the foreign emotions and memories.

It wasn't until Halloween, at the age of eight, that the merger stabilized. This was accompanied by his adult soul's memories from birth to shortly after the second task during the Triwizard Tournament at Hogwarts. While before, he only had scattered memories from his previous life, at that moment, he relived all of his previous life's retained memories from start to finish. It took but a moment for the memory dump to take place, but it gave Harry an understanding of the world around him that he hadn't truly grasped until that point.

It also gave him a freaking huge migraine.

For some reason he also received memories of someone else having sex with a lot of beautiful women, a strange dating simulation that gave him ideas on how to interact with women, and a few memories as a psychokinetic swordsman.

All in all, it was pretty weird.

Especially this.

 **Welcome to 2#$ASF$%$%^$% &#$%#TDF!**

 **Please select your class!**

A picture of Harry with a sword in one hand and a wand in the other stood before him. Hesitantly, he touched the picture.

 **Congratulations! You have selected the Battle Mage class!**

Too bad that was the only option available.

 **Now select your character design!**

A picture of Harry with a sword in one hand and a wand in the other stood before him. Once again, he pressed the picture.

 **Great! You have selected the physical attributes: messy black hair, green eyes, glasses for farsightedness, and scrawny!**

Again, there wasn't really a choice.

 **Now select your name!**

The name "Harry James Potter" appeared in front of him. So, with a sigh, he pressed it.

 **Welcome Harry James Potter to 2#$ASF$%$%^$% &#$%#TDF! You may open your character menu at any time to distribute your Character points by simply stating "Status." If you wish to open your inventory, try saying "Inventory." At every fifth level, the character is granted two attribute points that allow said character to alter their very being. The attribute screen can be accessed by saying "Attributes". Your first opportunity to do so is now as part of your character creation. Please note that any changes to the Gender or Magic attributes require at least two attribute points. Magic attributes can vary in cost due to the strength and rarity of the ability. For example, a Magical Omniglot can speak every language in the world, human or otherwise, while a Zoolinguist can speak all beast languages. These two related abilities cost 10 and 5 attribute points respectively due to their rarity and the breadth of languages they encompass. Their cousin ability, Parseltongue, only costs 2 attribute points in comparison due to its focus on a single beast tongue. Magic abilities will also refund half their attribute point cost if removed. Please select what attribute you wish to add or alter now.**

 **Gender**

 **Magic**

 **Allure**

 **Repulsion**

 **Nose, Lips, Ears Size/Shape**

 **Skull, Feet, Hands Size/Shape**

 **Genital Size/Shape**

 **Shoulders, Chest, Breast Size/Shape**

 **Waist, Hips, Buttocks Size/Shape**

 **Height**

 **Skin Tone**

 **Head Hair, Eyebrows, Eyelashes**

 **Body Hair**

 **Eye Color**

 **Eyesight**

 **Hearing Acuity**

 **Olfaction**

 **Taste Sense**

 **Skin Sensitivity**

Harry stood for a moment in stupefied wonder. It was basically possible for him to become a completely different person if he leveled enough. With all of these options to choose from, the first thing to look at was obvious.

 **Genital Size/Shape (after full maturation):**

 **Type: Penis**

 **(1)Length: 6.0"**

 **(1)Circumference: 5.0"**

 **(1)Shape: Slight upwards bend**

 **(1)Circumcised:** **Yes**

 **Rank: Average Willy**

 **.**

 **Type: Testicles**

 **(2)Number: 2**

 **(1)Size: 1.005 in^3**

 **(1)Ejaculate Volume: 4.2 mL**

 **(1)Potency: Average**

 **Rank: Normal Operations in the Baby Batter Factory**

Not bad, but who wants to be average? Still, Harry knew he should look at some of the other options before making a decision.

 **Magic:**

 **Gamer: Yes [locked]**

 **(10)Magic Core: Yes [locked]**

 **(2) Mage Sight: No**

 **(5) Metamorph: No**

 **(10)Omniglot: No**

 **(5) Zoolingual: No**

 **(2) Parseltongue: Yes**

 **(5) Seer: No**

 **(2) Prophet: No**

 **(2) Beastmaster: No**

 **(5) Precog: No**

 **(5) Empath: No**

 **(5) Astralist: No**

 **(5) Dream Walker: No**

 **(10)Void Walker: No**

 **(10)Vortex Creator: No**

 **(10)Age Shifter: No**

 **(2) Psychokinetic: Yes**

 **(2) Earth Elementalist: No**

 **(2) Fire Elementalist: No**

 **(2) Wind Elementalist: No**

 **(2) Water Elementalist: No**

 **(2) Lightning Elementalist: No**

 **Rank: Pinball Wizard**

Harry stared at the screen before him, momentarily stunned. There was obviously a lot to choose from. And some of them were ridiculously expensive. Omniglot, Age Shifter, Void Walker, Elementalist, and Vortex Creator were all 10 points. That's 25 character levels just to get one of those abilities. And, while they sounded cool, there was no description on what they did. Well, except Omniglot which was described in the attribute introduction. Harry touched Void Walker to see if it would tell him anything, but all he got was a message saying that he didn't have enough attribute points. This just made things difficult for him. So he decided to ignore it for the moment and see what else was out there.

 **Eyesight:**

 **(1)Peripheral Awareness: Extremely High**

 **(1)Eye Coordination: Extremely High**

 **(1)Depth Perception: Extremely High**

 **(1)Focusing Ability: Farsighted**

 **(2)Infrared Vision: No**

 **(2)X-Ray Vision: No**

 **Rank: Almost Clark Kent**

That brought a smirk to his face. Finally things were beginning to look good. Actually, incredibly good. He didn't have any super powers for his eyes, but that didn't bother him in the least. His farsightedness was the only reason he needed glasses apparently, so he thought for a moment that maybe he should fix that. Still, better to check some other things first.

 **Allure (begins during puberty):**

 **(1)Pheromone Strength: Pathetic**

 **(1)Pheromone Spread: 2' radius**

 **Rank: Dead Fish**

His satisfied smirk quickly turned to one of disgust. This was just sad. Still, humans don't really have much in the way of Allure, so it was possible this wasn't too bad. Wondering what else there was to look at, he quickly moved on.

 **Repulsion (begins during puberty):**

 **(1)Body Odor Strength: Average**

 **(1)Body Odor Spread: 2' radius**

 **Rank: Slightly Smelly**

Now this just pissed Harry off. It may say it was average, but that still means that Repulsion is stronger than Allure. He couldn't let that stand.

So, he had to make a decision. Should he improve Allure or downgrade Repulsion? Thinking about it, he decided that if body odor is average then deodorant should take care of that. And, allure will help with the sexy bitches! *ahem* friends. Yes, the sexy, hot, amazing…friends.

Decision made, Harry quickly made his alterations. Putting a point into Pheromone Strength caused it to change from Pathetic to Below Average. Not exactly what he wanted, so he spent his second attribute point to bring it up to Average. Nice and balanced. His new rank of Blasé didn't really impress him, but at least it was better than Dead Fish. With Allure offsetting Repulsion, once he started wearing deodorant (after he began actually needing it of course) he should be ahead of the game!

 **Character Creation is now complete. Please enjoy your time in the world of 2#$ASF$%$%^$% &#$%#TDF! **

All in all, Harry's impression of this event was: weird.

* * *

Up until the Great Soul Merger, Harry hadn't thought much about his previous life. This was partly because the memories he had were fragmented and difficult to understand without context. But mainly it was because, from what he was able to tell, his previous life sucked and he didn't like thinking about it.

Of course, once he was forced to relive it he realized something. His previous life really, really sucked.

And he was pretty pathetic too. His friend Ron kind of sucked as well. He could be cool sometimes, but others he would turn into flaming asshole. Ron's reaction to his name coming out of the Goblet of Fire came to mind. And Hermione…well, she was at least loyal. Annoying at times but at least she stood by him. Still, he could do better. He wanted cool friends. Friends who would stand by him no matter what…friends who were hot. Yes, he needed some hot, sexy friends.

With that noble ambition taking root in his heart, Harry decided that if he wanted to get hot, sexy friends, he would have to make himself worthy of having hot, sexy friends. And this video game thing he seemed stuck in was the perfect way to make that happen.

Now, he only had to figure out a way to take advantage of that.

* * *

Okay, the library may not be the most exciting place, but if he wanted some hot chicks to be his *ahem* friends, some smarts definitely wouldn't go amiss.

Really, going to the library was just a field test to see if reading had any effect on his game life.

Looking at the thousands upon thousands of books, Harry let out a sigh. But, with his noble ambition firmly rooted in his heart and mind, he set to his task with the determination of the just.

Taking down a random book, Harry looked at the cover. Encyclopedia Britannica…and back on the shelf it went. While it would be informative, Harry felt that something less dry than an encyclopedia might be nice. And so he moved on to the next book. Webster's Dictionary. He was definitely in the wrong section.

As Harry moved down the aisles, looking for something interesting, he found a book with a bright orange cover that stood out from the others. Icha Icha Paradise. He paused as he felt an inexplicable pull to this book. And, as he grasped the book, a surprise popped up.

 **Congratulations! You have just discovered your first skill book! Throughout the world of 2#$ASF$%$%^$% &#$%#TDF you will occasionally find a rare skill book. By reading normal books, you can gain intelligence and skills through diligence and hard work. Skill books, on the other hand, are the quick path to instant gratification!**

 **Would you like to learn the skill book Icha Icha Paradise? [Yes] [No]**

Well, that was an easy choice. Grinning like a loon, Harry quickly pressed **[Yes]**.

With a burst of flame, the book disappeared.

 **"** Oh shit."

 **Character has learned:**

 **Flirt: +5**

 **Caress: +5**

 **Kiss: +5**

 **Vaginal Sex: +3**

 **Anal Sex: +1**

 **Ménage à Troi: +2**

 **Cunnilingus: +3**

 **Character has gained +1 INT, +1 CHR for the use of a rare skill book!**

Harry quickly made his way out of the library while throwing glances over his shoulder. Yes, the skill book was awesome, but he did _not_ want to get in trouble for destruction of public property. Yeah, it was time to make himself scarce.

* * *

It was funny. Harry had spent so much time thinking about ways to improve himself, and yet he had not stopped to think about what he really should improve. It wasn't until the +1 Int message that he remembered he could check his stats and see what really needed help.

"Status."

 **Welcome Harry James Potter to the Status Screen! The Status Screen will display your progress in the world of 2#$ASF$%$%^$% &#$%#TDF in order to understand your current level of power. On this screen you are capable of using any unspent Status Points and changing your title. Status Points are earned every time you level up and a title is something you can earn by chance or by performing great feats of renown. Simply state "Titles" to view a list of the current titles available. You can possess an unlimited number of titles, but can only equip one at a time. Please review your Status Screen Now!**

 _(A/N: Since the pound symbol isn't recognized by the during formatting on this website, I will use the ISO code to refer to British Pounds in the game screen, but the word pounds when in the main story._ _ʛ is the symbol for galleons.)_

 **Harry James Potter**

 **Job:** Battle Mage

 **Title:** Pariah

 **Age:** 8

 **Lv.** 1 ~ **Exp:** 0/100

 **HP=** 50/50

 **MP=** 50/50

 **STR=** 2 (+0)= 2 + -

 **DEX=** 2 (+0)= 2 + -

 **VIT =** 2 (+0)= 2 + -

 **CHR=** 6 (-5)= 1 + -

 **INT =** 8 (+0)= 8 + -

 **WIS=** 10 (+0)=10 + -

 **LCK=** 3 (-5)= -2 + -

 **Points to distribute: (5)**

 **Money:** 0 GBP; **ʛ** 0

"Wow, that's some shit luck."

However, a quick five point distribution brought him from -2 up to 3, effectively canceling whatever was causing his -5 penalty. As his eyes drifted up to his Pariah title, he wondered if he had any others available. Deciding to give it a go, Harry hesitantly spoke out, "Okay…umm…Titles."

 **Titles:**

 **Boy Who Lived: +5 CHR, +5 LCK**

 **Pariah: -5 CHR, -5 LCK**

Looking at the miniscule screen with a hint of exasperation, Harry quipped, "Now that's a hard choice." And with a flick of his finger a new screen popped up.

 **Activate the title Boy Who Lived [Yes] [No]**

With a bright smile and the press of a button, Harry Potter, for the first time ever, happily embraced the title, Boy Who Lived.

* * *

"Soo…let me get this straight. I can't access my family vaults until I reach my majority…which is 17?"

Harry looked at the surly goblin in front of him who grunted in response.

"Right! So, 17. And, I can't access my trust vault until I am officially enrolled in Hogwarts."

Another grunt. These goblins did that a lot didn't they? They always looked like they were smelling something foul too. Then again, maybe humans simply smelled funny to them? Kind of like how Indians smelled like curry and Americans like cheese. Food for thought…heh.

"Okay then! That means no money for me. Unless…there is some super-secret awesome way to get that money early. I think anyone who could inform me of such an amazing thing would be deserving of a little reimbursement…I mean a _big_ reimbursement. After all, I wouldn't want to come across as ungrateful to such a helpful and amazing individual."

 **+1 Persuasion**

With a flurry of eyebrow raises, and a few suggestive winks, the goblin finally responded.

"Mr. Potter, are you hitting on me or are you having a seizure? Your human mating rituals elude me, but I promise you I am not interested."

And the goblin was sneering now.

"Oh, Merlin no!" Harry gagged. "No, it was supposed to be a suggestive wink to let you know I would give you a nice tip for helping out…not…" Shudder.

"You should have just said so Mr. Potter." Oooh, a sneer and a drawl! It looks like the goblin leveled up his condescension!

So, of course Harry responded with a beaming smile, "Harry. Please, just call me Harry."

"Indeed. Mr. Potter, there is a way you can get the access you seem to be so desperate for. In fact, this method would see you immediately 500 galleons richer."

Harry leaned forward in excitement. "Well? What is it!"

The sneer grew. "Obviously, such a thing would require forms to be filed and prior knowledge of its existence to set up. Time is money Mr. Potter."

Harry sat back and pondered that for a bit. Then sat up straight as realization struck, "Ah! Well, for the effort to help me in getting such a venture set up, it should be obvious that I would gift such an enterprising goblin 10 galleons from what I would receive."

"50," came the immediate response.

"Hmm…that seems a bit excessive. Surely, I will likely need most of that money for whatever is necessary to get access to my vaults. Perhaps 15 galleons would be fair?"

"30."

"Ah, I understand. Time is money after all. Still, if it is only filing a few papers that isn't really a whole lot of time, is it? Perhaps 20 galleons then?"

"Very well Mr. Potter. I suppose 25 galleons is a fair reimbursement for my time. If you will just take this form here and bring it down to the Inheritance Office after filling it out. I am adding my 25 galleon consultation fee here," the goblin spoke as he pulled a form out from his desk and used a quill to fill in a few blanks.

 **+1 Negotiation**

Harry looked at the single piece of parchment as the goblin slid it across the desk to him. "This is it?"

"That is it."

"And this just cost me 25 galleons?"

"Indeed." Welcome back sneer.

* * *

It had taken him a bit of consideration before he decided that he needed money. Approximately five minutes worth. Fortunately, a quick trip to the Dursley residence and some rifling through the laundry netted him a 10 pound note. After paying the one pound bus fare, he was able to quickly make his way down to London. And from there, it was a hop, skip, and a jump to the Leakey Cauldron and eventually, Gringotts.

It took a bit of finagling to get the goblins to take him seriously. He was certain his Charisma and Luck boosts played a part here because eventually they gave way and he was lead to the Potter account manager's office. After some friendly negotiations, and for the low price of 25 galleons (basically 125 pounds), he had received a piece of parchment! To be fair though, it was an amazing piece of parchment given what it potentially offered.

After going over the parchment, and filling in the appropriate blanks, Harry realized that what he was trying to do wasn't as simple as gaining access to his vaults. He was going for a full blown emancipation.

As in, the right to use magic and gaining recognition as an adult, emancipation.

There was a catch though. For an underage wizard to be emancipated, they must meet certain stipulations set forth by both the Ministry of Magic. The MoM's guidelines were fairly straight forward.

For any muggleborn, emancipation required the signature of their guardian and the Head of the Department of Muggleborn Emancipation. Said department only existed on paper, and there was no Head of Department.

For anyone born to magical parents, the signature of any MoM department head along with the individual's guardian would suffice.

For the heir to a magical lineage, they simply needed to gain their family's approval. To gain that approval, the various magical lineages had created the Rite of Maturation. Different families had different requirements, but it all boiled down to making someone prove their dedication to the family and show their independence and maturity. The Rite was managed by Gringotts as the caretakers of the various family fortunes. Verification of an individual completing the Rite was forwarded to both the MoM and the individual's guardian to formally announce their emancipation. Generally such an event would be heralded as a momentous occasion due to its rarity.

Apparently, the Potters were quite inventive with their Rite of Maturation. Based on the magical number 13, the Potters determined that the prospective adult must complete 13 tasks that aided the Potter family.

The Potters were obviously an adventurous family, because their Rite required a trip around the world. Harry was supposed to travel to 13 cities that held a Gringotts branch in 13 different countries. As the administrators for his Rite, Gringotts accepted responsibility for tracking his progress to ensure he completed all of his tasks. This required him to check in upon his arrival at a new location and check out before he left. This was due to the stipulation that he must spend at least one month in each country. His Gringotts issued magical passport would ensure that he couldn't leave a country before his month was up. Supposedly this was to prove his independence and maturity.

He was allowed to quit the Rite at any time, but if he did so he would not be allowed to take it again, so that possibility didn't even enter into Harry's considerations. What did enter into his consideration was the task he had to complete in each country. In each country he was required to acquire a unique or rare magical plant, animal, artifact, or spell that did not already exist within the Potter family holdings.

The purpose of this task was to improve the family wealth as a show of dedication to the family. In the case of animals, he had to acquire a mated pair to ensure they were not simply a temporary addition to the Potter menagerie.

Fortunately, the first location was counted as done since the family allowed Britain as one of the 13 countries in the Rite. As the seat of the Potter family, this was basically given as a free pass. That left 12 locations to choose, and the choice was left for him. The only rule for these countries was that he had to visit every continent at least once to allow for diversity. Except Antarctica. He was bloody grateful he wasn't being made to live in Antarctica for a month.

Another fortunate thing was that he was given a few supplies from the family vault for his task. First, he was given 500 galleons to aid his journey. Of course, after his consultation fee, he only had 475 galleons, but it was still a substantial amount. That was worth over 2000 pounds! In addition, he would receive an additional 500 galleons for each country he made it to during the Rite of Maturation. That was a total of 6500 galleons, or over 32,000 pounds! Unfortunately, that was all of the financial aid he would receive and given that the Rite would last at least a year, and he had to use it for living expenses, travel, and somehow acquiring rare items of interest, it wasn't as much as it sounded like.

To aid in recognizing any new spells, he was given a book that was magically linked to the family grimoire. Unfortunately it was a one-way connection as he was not permitted to read the grimoire unless he was the Head of Family. And for that, he had to first become emancipated. The book's purpose was to allow him to write any unique spells he came across into and check if it was already known to the Potter family. If it was, the spell would remain visible. If it was not, the ink would fade away.

For any magical plants or animals, Harry was given a magizoologist trunk from his family vault. This was a 7 compartment trunk that simulated 7 different environments. There wasn't a lot of space in each environment, but there was enough to store a creature or plant safely for a small period of time. It was essentially meant solely to provide safe transport before transferring the creature or plant to a better habitat.

The trunk had a cold snow room; a warm grassy room; a warm marsh room; a warm sandy room to simulate a desert environment; a grassy, cool, thin air room to simulate a high altitude environment; a freshwater room; and a saltwater room.

The reason for the trunk was that creatures and plants would have to be verified by Gringotts against a ledger containing the Potter holdings. If approved, a Potter family elf would take the trunk, take it to the Potter menagerie or greenhouse, then return with the empty trunk.

That was another thing Harry learned. There were apparently three Potter elves, but they were bound to the family, and not him specifically. That meant that in order to utilize them, a family head had to first allow him to. This was impossible as there currently was no family head. It was a good thing that they could transport things to the Potter properties during the Rite. Really, it was too bad that they were unable to offer any assistance other than that, but since that could be considered cheating, it was understandable.

The trunk, the book, a magical passport, and the galleons were all he was given to aid him in his journey. Of course, the goblins knew when an opportunity to make money presented itself and offered him some extras for a price. 120 galleons for 12 language lines, 200 galleons for a fake identity, 55 galleons to provide a magical and muggle passport with his fake identity, and 100 galleons for an international portkey to Rome, Italy that wasn't tracked by the ministry. He didn't think it was a coincidence that these things cost exactly the amount of galleons he had left, but considering how much he needed them, Harry decided against complaining.

First, the language lines. This was an amazing substance made from powdered Babel fish, walnuts, ginger roots, and periwinkle. It looked like a blue powder that you had to take nasally. It required the quick absorption into the bloodstream to function properly as a brain stimulant. What it did was stimulate the brain to allow one to quickly learn a new language. It lasts for 12 hours and should only be used for a single language per dose. It had the side effect that if multiple languages are being learned, it can cause the grammar and words to become muddied and mixed up in the user's mind. This is an irreparable confusion and is incidentally how the English language came about. The goblin who sold him the lines advised to use a rolled up British Note as a funnel, hold one nostril closed and snort the line quickly.

His next purchases were his fake identity and the accompanying passports. He thought this was prudent if he didn't want Dumbledore, a ministry stooge, or a reformed Death Eater tracking him down. He quickly decided on James Griffon for his alias. James because that was his middle name and was easy for him to identify with. Griffon because of Gryffindor. It was a simple name he felt he wouldn't have a problem remembering.

His last purchase was the international portkey. It was double the price the ministry would charge, but it did allow anonymity. He had decided on Rome for his first destination. After all, Rome was the heart of the Roman Empire who were the inventers of the wand. It also was where the Vatican resided along with a significant magical community. He felt that he was sure to find something there.

By the time Harry finished up at Gringotts, he was exhausted but pleased with his progress. It had been a long day, but Harry was excited about his upcoming world trip. He had never been outside of Britain before and he was eager to get underway. After everything was finished and he had stored his supplies in his inventory, Harry grabbed his portkey and was quickly whisked away in a swirl of light and nausea to Rome, Italy.

* * *

It was late when he arrived in Rome. Gringotts was closing and night had already fallen. He was given his 500 galleon stipend, and after denying the goblins' offer of a temporary vault to hold his galleons (for only a small fee!), he converted half into the local currency, lira. Then, storing all of his money into his inventory, he set out to find a place to spend the night.

As the chloroform scented rag covered his mouth, his last thoughts were, _Maybe wandering Rome's back alleys at night wasn't the best Idea._

 **A/N: Yes, I know that the penis description may be considered a bit graphic, but no more than sex ed. It was descriptive, but not pornographic. Meant for mature audiences, but not NC-17. I believe that still falls within the purview of an M rating and is acceptable by standards.**

 **As for the Metamorph ability, it is powerful, but it wouldn't make all other choices irrelevant. In this world, a metamorph is only capable of cosmetic changes. They can change the shape of their body to a limited degree and change their skin, hair, and eye colors. Delicate organs cannot be altered without risking permanent damage. This means a man can't morph into a woman without losing what makes him a man. A man could alter the size of his penis, and a woman the size of her breasts, but a man could not change his testicles or increase sperm count, while a woman cannot change her mammary glands to alter milk production or change the rate of her periods. So, it is a useful ability, but not godlike. Also, metamorphs do have a base form in this AU, so any changes would eventually revert if the metamorph doesn't pay attention (typically during sleep as the ability doesn't require much focus to maintain in my world).**

 **Final note on the Attribute section. The point of the variety of changes is to satisfy all possible desires for change. Yes, you could change from male to female. Yes, you could grow 4 testicles, 3 breasts, and turn your skin blue. Will Harry do that? No. Just because the option exists doesn't mean Harry will do it. His personality hasn't changed that much. He's still Harry Potter, he just now has a supercharged libido, lowered inhibitions, and the psychokinesis ability from his merger with Loki.**

 **A note on currency. I am using the following conversion rate: 1 galleon** ** **(** ** **ʛ)**** = 4.97 pounds= $10.17.**

 **Unfortunately the British pound symbol does not work, but the galleon (** ** **ʛ)** does on this website. An interesting conundrum.  
**

 **Also, for anyone who might remark on my comment on Indian and American smells. No, Harry is not a racist. He simply finds it strange how different ethnicities smell funny to him and is comparing that to the goblins. It is a fact that foreigners can often smell funny to someone due to local diets and biological functions native to their particular ethnicity. This is not meant as a disparaging or racist remark. I myself am American, but I have heard we smell like cheese to some foreigners. This is likely due to the high amount of dairy in our diets. Personally, I find that amusing.**

 **Last note (really, I mean it). I am probably going to start a companion fic for this story dedicated solely to Harry's stats and abilities. I will match up each chapter so that if you want to track Harry's growth, you can. Basically, chapter 2 in the companion fic will represent Harry at the end of this chapter, and chapter 5 will reflect the end of this story's chapter 5. I hope this idea is well received.**

 **Please R/R.**


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